Length: 135 min.
I hate this movie! I've
hated it since the day it came out! It has the pacing of a snail
crawling up a wall of slime. Still, I was suckered into watching
it again by promises of Dan in feathers and a loincloth. ~_~;
Apparently, Dan plays a Native and Reuben plays a Colonist...
and they fight each other!! Pretty awesome, right? WRONG!!
Now, I knew that if they
were both credited solely for "stunts," they probably
wouldn't be around all that much. Still, I kinda hoped I'd catch
them walking around as a generic extra from time to time.
Watching the movie became a twisted game of "Where's
Waldo?"... except it was more like "Where's Dan?"
and... err, "Where's Reuben??" Seriously, where the
@#$% were they?!? .....Dan??
I barely got anything out
of this. I even considered scrapping this entry but, if only to
salvage the remnants of my sanity, it must exist.
So we open with the
Colonial ships coming in and the Natives looking on curiously.
Aha! Is that Dan in the back with the mohawk??
Can't tell for sure, but
it sorta looks like him.
Faaast forward through
about an hour of nothing happening and we finally get a fight
scene! Alriiight... now it turns into an almost fairytale
challenge. There's thirty plus people running around and
all I know is that Reuben is supposed to be the only one without
a hat on. Well, he wasn't the only one, and that didn't
make it any easier. Meanwhile I'm also looking for Dan, and despite
the many Natives onscreen, I had no luck spotting him. But - oh, look at
Does that mean the other guy is Dan?? In any case, the encounter
lasts about half a second before he knocks Reuben down.
There is eventually a
short break in the battle where everyone stops to scream at each
other. In the background to the right of Colin Farrell is Reuben... still
I first spotted him hiding
behind Colin's head. Damnit, Colin, get off
the screen!! Who do you think you are, the star of the movie or
something?? It's really hard to screencap Reuben because he has
a tendency to make funny
Battle resumes and moves
into the town. Enter Reuben in the midst of a muddy street!!
I don't know who he's
fighting. Is it Dan? It might be Dan! He's supposed to fight Dan
sometime... ARGH where's Dan? ~_~x
Anyway, that's the last I
saw of either of them. *sigh*
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