The premise of the movie amounts to King Leonidas telling his soldiers: "Men, we have millions of Persians outside our gates! But we are SPARTANS... let us DROWN them in the SWEAT of our MANLINESS!!" What follows is an hour and a half cinematic that looks like it was ripped straight out of an action game. Amidst the carnage you get a decent amount of witty quotes and morbid humor, but very little plot. Characters have no depth, and I honestly couldn't care less what happened to them seeing as how their goal in life is to die in battle. They fight for freedom, and the price of freedom is shown in stark contrast with the comforting ease of tyranny. There's some awesome quotes like "Cruel Leonidas demanded that you stand. I require only that you kneel." The visual eye-candy is larger than life and carries across the epic tone.

This is a comedy that stands out by having a unique (albeit inaccurate) plot idea and original characters. It's funny, sweet, and has a surprising amount of emotional depth. I heard a lot of good things about it from my co-workers, so I went in with high expectations, and while I enjoyed watching it, I didn't find most of the movie as incredible as they did. But that all changed when I saw the end, which actually sent shivers down my spine. It is genuinely touching and not to be missed. 

When every university Bartleby applied to turned him down, his parents wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He decided to placate their fears by creating a fictional college, complete with its own website where acceptance was "only a click away!" When his folks wanted physical proof, Bartleby even rented an abandoned mental ward and fixed it up to look like a college. But what he wasn't prepared for was that slackers everywhere surfing the web would take him up on the offer and click their way into enrollment. With a Dean like Lewis Black, a curriculum that includes "Daydreaming" and "Girls" and students are the teachers, can Bartleby's institution become accredited before he is hauled off to jail? This movie encapsulates my own disillusionment with mainstream college.

This movie was very... odd. Very creative, but very overblown and nonsensical most of the time. The action wasn't very believable, and this is coming from somebody who thinks standard Hong Kong wire-fu is very believable. Much of the characters' motivations for befriending and turning on each other were largely unexplained and seemed a little silly. It had an interesting take on cloning, but it was very scientifically flawed. Cloning DNA is all well and good, but cloning memory and soul along with it is another matter. Other than that, it must be nice to have feet with opposable thumbs.

This is a confused, plodding epic of blood, guts, and overt homoerotica that really makes you feel like you're there. Allow me to paraphrase... Yay, we conquered Persia! We love you Alexander! And I love you, Alexander. I love you too, Hephaistion. Onward, to the east! We must leave a trail of carnage, err, I mean we must uplift and educate these barbarians from their inferior ways. Everybody's dying and we hate you Alexander! Shut up, fools, we need to keep going so that our names will be immortalized in legend! Oh no, elephants! Crap, lets go home. Last but not least, you know that rumored love scene between Colin Farrell and Jared Leto? LIES! All LIES!!

First thing's first, I am openly biased in favor of Predator, and Predator did good! That's not to say Alien did bad, of course. There was many a time that I wanted to scream "leave poor Predator alone!" But I didn't. I just muttered it in a snarling manner... >_> The human characters weren't exactly developed, but who cares, you're watching this just to see Alien and Predator duke it out and you know it. The movie does not disappoint in that respect. Some of the fighting was so breathtaking you could hear awed gasps and exclamations of praise coming from the audience. Now, I don't want to give out any spoilers, but if I could sum up my opinion of this movie in one word, it would be "adorable"! >^.^<

Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, and Philip Seymour Hoffman are all great comedic actors, and putting them together in one movie is a surefire recipe for laughter. Did that sound corny, or what? Well, nothin' much to say about this movie. I went, I saw, I laughed, I left. It's worth seeing, but not a romantic comedy classic like There's Something About Mary or Meet The Parents.

I typically watch horror movies to cheer myself up, but as I sat through Amityville all I could think was "holy crap, I didn't sign up for this!!" The majority are funny at best and just plain dumb at worst, but this is one film that lives up to its genre. Even keeping your guard up for the inevitable frights will not save you from being scared shitless. You have to respect movies that can show things instead of using suspense, and still have it be terrifying. I have not seen the original, I know nothing about the real Amityville, I just wanted to watch a movie that I had low expectations for, and I was very pleasantly/terribly surprised. Best true horror movie I've seen in a long, long time.

This is a cute little comedic satire that makes fun not only of the news but also of cross-gender relations in the workplace. Though not Will Farrell's best work, it's worth seeing just for the mentally challenged Brick Tamland who is played by Steven Carell of Daily Show fame. First he plays a news anchor on Bruce Almighty, now here, seems the poor guy is stuck in that role but I certainly don't mind! Also keep your eyes out for cameos by Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Jack Black, and others.

What a terrible waste of a Mayan theme! Honestly, I wait for months for this movie and all I get to see of the splendors of Mayan civilization is maybe ten minutes of a city where they're all acting crazy. It follows the life of a young man named Jaguar Paw, whose idyllic lifestyle of tricking his friends into eating boar testicles is forever ruined after his relatively primitive village is sacked by the Mayan military. The rest of the movie is one long chase scene through the surrounding jungles as Jaguar Paw tries to make it back to the pit where he hid his wife and son. If I wanted a chase movie, I'd watch The Fugitive. Yes, I know, it's supposed to be about the downfall of Mayan civilization, but I still expect to see more of the local culture besides funky hairstyles! Granted, the sacrificial scene atop the pyramid was very nice, and any movie with black jaguars is worth my time.

OK, I admit it, I only saw this because it had Jackie Chan. It's kind of a mixed bag, really. Most of it is stupid and corny, but the parts in Turkey and China were extremely enjoyable! Anyone that watches Hong Kong cinema probably has the name Wong Fei Hong drilled into their skulls by now, and I was psyched to see that he has made it over into Hollywood releases as well! Yes, he was here, along with the 10 Tigers of Canton who wore masks with tigers' jaws drawn on them which was totally AWESOME!! Also, I very much liked the main "evil Chinese warlord" villain, who had a stunning hairstyle and razor-sharp claws.

Can I just say "wow"? Wow! A true superhero angst-fest that takes itself seriously and leaves you with the feeling that something like this can indeed happen in our world. Batman did not become what he is by having any psychic powers or being mutated, but rather through hardcore training, determination, and a plethora of overpriced military gadgets he could afford by virtue of his family legacy. His motivation is a purely human desire to avenge the loved ones he lost and to protect the ones he still has. Also, Scarecrow is awesome!

I was only awake sporadically for this movie. All I really remember is that it was very random, that it had John Travolta in it, and that The Rock was gay. Not gay as in bad, but gay as in gay.

Tim Burton, my favorite director, tackles the drama genre! While the basic story is about a son trying to reconcile with his dying father, thankfully it's not all about the drama (I hate drama). The heart of the movie are the spellbinding, fantasy-esque stories the father tells his son about his life. It'll make you laugh, it'll make you cry, but in the end it's just going to make you want to watch Sleepy Hollow again.

Wow was this movie bad. I don't think there is a word in the English language to do justice to its terribleness, so I'll make one up: $#!@%. This movie was $#!@%. The characters didn't grab me at all, and their motivations were confused at best. I spent most of my time trying to figure out why I should care about them and I still have no idea. The plot was a mishmash of unrelated events. I spent the remainder of my time trying to figure out what the point of showing them was. They do try to tie it all together in the end, but by then I was too far gone to appreciate it. The movie was slow, boring, incoherent, and felt much longer than it actually was. I never thought I'd ever use the phrase "I want my 2 hours back," but I now realize I was just saving it for this movie. The eccentric family of psychos was amusing, though.

It might not have the plot depth of the original or the nonstop action of the second, but the third installment of this series offers an interesting mix of morbid, sarcastic humor and darkness. Granted the involvement of big D is a bit cheesy, but what vampire flick doesn't stumble over this hurdle at some point in its development? Whistler is replaced by his illegitimate daughter and, uhhh, some guy. Together with a rag-tag team of amateur vamp hunters who remind me of X-files' Lone Gunmen, Blade sets off to restore his good name and stop Dracula. The vampiric dogs alone make this worth watching.

This is the gayest straight movie I've ever seen, and that is a very, very good thing! Two skating rivals who couldn't be more opposite are banned from competing in their single divisions for publicly fighting over a Gold medal... but they could still compete in the pairs division! Could they put aside their differences and work together to forge a team worthy of Gold? A truly hilarious movie with more than enough innuendo to keep any yaoi fan happy. Whether you're in it to watch a relationship blossom or just want to see some hot man on man action, this movie has it all! This might be kind of silly to say, but it was during their first official dance together, as they're skating to the music from Armageddon, that I truly understood what love means. *_* The perfect trust flowering between them showed me the beauty of being completely open to another living being, uniting with them in mind and body. Such sacred vulnerability dissolves all barriers and makes you embrace the universe with your whole heart! Yeah I, err, liked the movie a lot. ^^;

Think Hotel Rwanda, except they fight back. In parts of Africa, diamond mining fuels civil war and slavery. Children are torn from their families and recruited into rogue militias that massacre the countryside. It's frightening to see what is done to the minds of these kids, who no longer recognize their parents and would shoot people trying to help them. Whole towns are reduced to rubble as the military trucks roll by. "T.I.A." as they say - "this is Africa." The movie focuses on Solomon, a man who hid a particularly large chunk of pink diamond, Danny, a diamond smuggler who promises Solomon to help find his family for a share of the profits, and Captain Poison, who intends to get the diamond by any means necessary. In the end, Solomon finds his son, Danny gains a heart, and Captain Poison gets what he deserves. 

Any review of this movie must stress that Borat misrepresents the Kazakhstani people. It is grossly unfair to them and he really should've made up a fake country instead - honestly, nobody in the USA would've been able to tell the difference. That said, the movie is $%#@&% hilarious!! By posing as a reporter from an emphatically backwards country, Borat manages to expose the ignorance and prejudices that lie beneath the surface of everyday Americans. Although Borat constantly makes bigoted statements against Jews, homosexuals, women, and the mentally challenged, the reactions of those not in on the joke are priceless! I'm honestly surprised he didn't get shot over some of the antics he pulled (rodeo, anyone?). Of all the skits in this movie, I would say the one with the Christian congregation speaking in tongues takes the cake. It truly has to be seen to be believed.

If you're expecting a full-fledged fantasy like Narnia, think again! This is a relatively mundane coming of age story that has more in common with My Girl than Harry Potter. A young boy scorned by his peers meets a young girl who encourages him to keep his heart and mind wide open to the magic in the world. They find a place in the woods all to themselves, where their day to day problems are transformed into fairytale archetypes. Together they use the strength of their imagination to face their fears and empower their lives. Through maturity and compassion they turn bullies into allies, befriend teachers, and draw closer to their families. It's a sweet movie but very mellow. I want my battling elves, damnit!!

Ahh... the gay cowboy - err, sheepherder - movie. They should just start calling these things "Gay Movie: somebody's gonna die." Don't get me wrong, I like gay people, nay, I love gay people (if my Favorite Pairings List is any indication)! But Ang Lee could make the best idea come off boring and depressing onscreen (*cough*CTHD*cough*). Epic love story? More like two horny men stuck with sheep on a remote mountain - and they didn't go for the sheep. I liked I liked Jack (Jake) but I hated Ennis' (Heath) character and didn't understand what Jack saw in him. Oh well, at least the nature scenery was pretty.

It couldn't seem to decide whether it wanted to be a scary movie or a kids' movie and kept fluctuating between creepy and wacky. I suppose this is, however, the original spirit of fairy tales. This is also the first movie I've seen where a torture specialist serves as comic relief. The plot was decent, the presentation was great, the climax otherworldly, and I really have no complaints besides that it somehow lacked that intangible quality that makes a movie one of my favorites.

A movie about time travel to rival Donnie Darko... and surpass it. A movie that will quite probably make it to my very own TOP 10 list. Like an intense episode of Outer Limits, Butterfly Effect takes you through an intricate labyrinth of alternate realities, and shows how every choice we make can change our lives forever. Do not close your eyes, do not go to the bathroom... stay and watch... you'll be putting the pieces together long after the movie is done.

This is a prequel to the James Bond movies, a second remake of movies by the same name from 1954 and 1967. It introduces Daniel Craig as James Bond who, despite vaguely resembling a shaved rat, pulls off the role quite well. The movie is a lot more serious, more violent, and some would say more depressing than its predecessors. It kicks off with the most hypnotic, intricate, psychedelic credits sequence I have ever seen which is followed by an incredible action scene set in Uganda where Bond and his target are leaping across buildings and generally defying gravity. So, after displaying Bond's peerless physical prowess, the rest of the movie is a rather contrived game of poker against the main villain... because using force would be too easy. The prequel sets up Bond's character and why he trusts no one.

A remake of one of my favorite childhood movies by Tim Burton starring Johnny Depp? I'm there! I'm still not sure which version I like better, but this one delved more into quirky details, particularly Willy Wonka's psychology and past. The Indian commission for a palace made of chocolate was a particularly memorable side story. The settings were beautiful and Danny Elfman's musical score was wonderful, as is the case in all of Tim Burton's movies.

As far as I'm concerned, children are just parasites that feed off you for 9 months before clawing their way out of your body and leeching off you for 18 more years. So one would think that all women becoming infertile and the youngest human on Earth being 18 is a Utopia! But, according to this movie, it's a post-apocalyptic nightmare where illegal immigrants are shipped to concentration camps, terrorist run the streets, and people have lost all hope for the future. Bah! Bah, I say! If anything, a decreasing population would mean more resources to go around. Anyway, so this woman becomes pregnant - the first pregnancy in 18 years - and this guy must safely escort her to the good folks at the Human Project before humanity becomes extinct. When the baby is born amidst a scuffle between militia, all violence stops and the soldiers revere mother and child as the incarnation of a goddess that she is. Still hate babies.

"Our Lion who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily Narnia. And forgive us our Harry Potters, as we forgive those who Harry Potter against us..." Yeah this movie has heavy religious overtones and yeah Aslan is very Jesus, complete with dying for our sins and rising from the grave. But you know what? I don't give a crap, it still wowed the socks off me!! I am glad we live in a day and age where I can go to a kids' movie and come out raving about the fantastic action scenes, lol. The White Queen kicked major ass on the battlefield! Indeed, perhaps she kicked too much ass for the target audience, since she was incredibly brutal and cruel throughout the entire movie.

What can I say? This movie fell slightly short of my low expectations. Don't get me wrong! I liked Pitch Black very much... but this 'aint no Pitch Black. The script here seems to be patched together from corny one-liners, so I could only take anyone seriously when they shut up and tried to look sinister. The characters couldn't be flatter. Most of the movie had nothing to do with the central plot, so that the actual face off between villain and antihero came off as an afterthought in a rushed last twenty minutes. The fight scenes were awkward and edited very strangely. The only really exciting parts was when they were trying to escape the infernal sunrise.

This has all the dirty jokes, anecdotal situations, and awkward pornographic conjectures of the original. But most importantly, it has the two New Jersey losers working a dead end job who made the first movie so easy to relate to, and the other two losers who stand outside the first two losers' establishment selling drugs and flashing passerbys. But Dante is growing up. He now has a fiancé who wants to whisk him away to Florida and have her daddy give him a real job. Can Dante cut ties with his home, his friends, and his boss to become a productive member of society? Listen!... as a sheltered Christian fundie explains sex ed. Watch!... three nerds fight over Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. See!... a grown man get it on with a donkey! All this and more, in Clerks 2.

The movie starts out pathetic and painfully unfunny. It never really gets much funnier, but it does get less pathetic. In fact, from beginning to end is a vast improvement in quality. Would you want the power to control your life? To skip all the boring, annoying, inconvenient, stressful, tedious parts and move on to the good stuff? What would be left? And would the goal be worth anything without the journey? Through a series of depressing, heart-wrenching episodes, the movie forces you to understand that if we keep living for the future instead of seizing the now, life will pass us by. It's the little everyday things that count most in the end. It is the missed opportunities of the mundane that we will most regret not taking advantage of when our time comes.

Yes, I finally saw Cold Mountain. I've been avoiding it because it seemed like a long, boring drama and Jude Law vaguely reminds me of my ex-stalker. I have to say it was better than I expected, and lots of stars made cameos that I didn't know were in the movie... like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Suplee, Cillian Murphy, and Natalie Portman! The movie really played up on a lot of my fears, and managed to make a significant (although sad) emotional impact. Gotta admit Jude Law was very pretty... and bloody... and had long hair *_*

Well, it wasn't a bad movie, but it was a rather dry and boring movie. It's worth seeing for three reasons. Reason one, Jamie Foxx (Max the cabby) excelling at a dramatic role. Reason two, Tom Cruise (Vincent the hitman) trying to play the bad guy. Reason three, their morbid existential musings. Basically, the plot is that Vincent forces the unsuspecting Max to chauffer him around on his killing spree. You don't know the victims, you don't care about the victims. The only one of the victims that I felt bad for wasn't even on Vincent's list. Oh yeah, and they didn't run over a coyote crossing the road. That was nice of them.

Hell wants him, Heaven won't take him, so we're stuck listening to his incessant whining about how much his life sucks. In his attempt to win salvation after a damning suicide attempt, Constantine works to expel demons from the lands of the living. His big chance to redeem himself comes with the opportunity to save the world by preventing the birth of Satan's own son on Earth. My favorite character has got to be Gabriel, a quirky angel who is not afraid to use... unorthodox... methods to spread the word of God.

Were I a fan of Nightmare Before Christmas I'm sure I'd like this movie better. As it stands, it had met my expectations of a guy trying to get out of marrying a dead girl. It was pretty, it was funny, and I'm not one to complain when Tim Burton teams up with Johnny Depp. My favorite part was when the undead invaded a living town, the people freaked out for a bit, but then realized that these are their own dead family/friends/lovers.

This is best described as the male version of The Craft, except that I like The Craft a lot better. The story goes that there were five families of Ipswitch gifted with supernatural powers. This power was passed to the firstborn male per generation, and consumed your life force as you used it. A family that lusted for more power was banished and presumed dead in the witch trials. When a descendant of this lost bloodline resurfaces, he is pissed off at the other four and uses massive amounts of power to... attack their girlfriends. Very creepy but very pointless Darklings start appearing, and the boys begin investigating what's up. I still have no idea what the pentacle has to do with any of this, since there is no mention of Paganism, Wicca, or even elementary magic.

An extraordinary inner-city drama that examines the complex interplay of race, stereotypes, and self-fulfilling prophecies with unflinching realism. It follows the lives of several people who couldn't be more different and explores their interactions when life forces them to "crash" into each other. The lines between racism, hypocrisy, righteousness, political correctness, and morality blur as the flaws and humanity of all involved are exposed.

Some stories that make better movies than books, and other stories make better books than movies. This one is the latter. But I'm not sure if I could even call this a movie. It's more like a lecture. A two hour college lecture on history, religion, and symbolism. It is by no means a boring lecture. I thought it was fascinating, insightful, thought-provoking, and intriguing in its own way, but this is coming from someone who watches documentaries for fun. I normally despise religious zealots, but my favorite character here was Silas, the homicidal Soldier of God(tm) with faith as blind as a bat. I admire his determination.

Advertised as coming from 2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie, I could see why the other 4 bowed out of this disaster. I have enjoyed the Scary Movie series, over-the-top parodies of horror movies with their moronic yet contagious sense of humor, but this romantic comedy parody did nothing for me. I barely cracked a smile throughout the whole thing despite the constant barrage of contrived and nonsensical skits. The closest I came to an emotion was that of confused disgust. My guess is this was scripted by writers used to focusing on purely physical comedy with no real idea of how to link isolated episodes to an ongoing plot.

Well, I walked in expecting this movie to be somewhere between mediocre and boring, but it was actually pretty damn good! There were scary parts, there were funny parts, there were corny parts, but there was never a dull moment. The cast of characters was pretty standard... a nurse, a cop, security guards, a cute guy, a hot chick, a friendly dog, and yes, even a pregnant woman. There was one guy that reminded me of a cross between Ash and Autolycus in his looks and attitude. When he picked up a chainsaw and started cutting up zombies, I had to wonder if I was watching Evil Dead. There's no real plot. The goal, as it is in most horror movies, is simply to stay alive... err, in the non-zombie sense of alive.

True, it is a special effects extravaganza of drastically flawed science, but I have to question the sanity of anyone that sees it for any other reason. Fine, Jake Gyllenhaal is an acceptable other reason. Nevertheless, this movie epitomizes everything I want to happen on this planet. It is my humble elitist eco-freak opinion that humans need to be put in their place by Mother Nature. Whether through ice, snow, heat, flood, lava, earthquake or tornado - I don't care! Yes, it wouldn't happen overnight, but do not doubt that Gaia has more than enough firepower to wipe arrogant little parasites with delusions of grandeur off the face of her body.

The plot is simple enough. You have two guys. Colin poses as a cop while working for a mafia boss, Billy poses as a criminal while working for the cops. When both sides realize that they have a mole at either end, there begins a race against evidence to discover who it is. This does not bode well for Colin, but is even more disastrous for Billy, who is surrounded by sadistic criminals that wouldn't hesitate to do very nasty things to him if the truth leaked out. What's worse, Billy's only hope for regaining his identity rests in the hands of two other people. I was absolutely terrified for poor Billy. The more I got into the movie, the more it dawned on me that I have already watched it back when it was in Chinese and called Infernal Affairs. Deja Vu = the feeling that you have seen a guy's head get blown off before.

I almost didn't go see this (Ben Stiller movies have been really sucking lately) but I'm glad I did. It's not perfect, and Ben doesn't exactly play a likeable role here, but it's definitely a turn for the better. It vaguely reminded me of Zoolander, and I love Zoolander to pieces. I particularly liked Steve the Pirate, because I'm a RenFest freak. And I'm sure somebody on the production team was a RenFest freak as well, because that's my only explanation for Steve the Pirate and the main girl's obsession with fairies and unicorns. It had parts that were genuinely funny, and its anti-perfectionist message was pleasantly refreshing.

If the director wasn't on an acid trip this might have been an ok movie. As it stands, the jerky footage was irritating and the tangled story barely coherent. It wouldn't have killed ya to keep the camera steady once in a while. Leave the quirky cinematography and witty plot twists to Guy Ritchie, I say. And what's with the damn goldfish? It symbolizes the pain of emotional attachment, I get it. It's not deep, get over it! As for the characters, Alf the cat-eating Arab was so bomb-tastically stereotypical he was almost not. I liked Choco, though, Choco was psycho. The scene where he shot off a guy's arm was hilarious!

I'll get this out of the way: I am not a fan of first person shooters and have never played the game. Those that have, claim the movie didn't have enough action in general and first person shooting in particular. I, however, felt it moved along at the pace of any other sci-fi/horror flick and had more of a plot than the mindless gore-fest I had anticipated (and I have nothing against mindless gore-fests). While I do not ascribe to the idea that the unmapped 10% of the genome contains the blueprint for the soul, I find the movie's moral take on DNA fascinating. When the first person shooting mode did finally kick in, it was pretty damn awesome.

This is a pretty average comedy with a rather boring premise: a hot girl that is attracted to Employees of the Month. When Zack the box boy gets to meet Amy, the new girl, it is lust at first sight! Zack will do anything to win this month's honors away from the overachieving Vince just to get in her pants. That's all I really have to say about a movie where the only character I liked was Jorge, Vince's little box boy pet. The jokes just weren't all that funny and the main cast entirely forgettable.

When the blue dragon Saphira hatched for a boy named Eragon, his life with his uncle on Tatooine Alagaesia would never be the same. Immediately the evil Darth Vader Galbatorix sent Storm Troopers Ra'zac to find him. Although they killed his uncle and ravaged his farm, Eragon was taken by Jedi Master Dragon Rider Brom into the wilds to regroup with the Rebel Alliance Varden. Brom explained that a long time ago, there many Dragon Riders Jedi, but the strongest among them, Galbatorix, turned to the Dark Side, founded his own Empire, and exterminated those that stood against him. Brom trained Eragon to be a Dragon Rider too, but Eragon was arrogant, and decided to go alone to the Death Star Galbatorix's fortress and rescue Princess Leia Arya. I can go on and on, and even rewrite it as Lord of the Rings, but I did like the movie enough to see it three times. Mostly due to the hotness that is Murtagh. *_*

As with anything done by Charlie Kaufman, you at least know it's gonna be original, and Eternal Sunshine definitely delivers. It's a real head trip... and I don't mean head trip in the sense of Butterfly Effect, or in the sense of Identity, or even in the sense of Being John Malcovich. I mean head trip in the sense of a romp through the scattered memories of some guy's deteriorating relationship. But, in the deeper sense, it is a movie that teaches us to value all memories - both painful and happy - because without them, we couldn't learn and grow as human beings.

This movie contains crude jokes, nudity, blatant stereotypes, homoerotic themes, and mild incest. If you have a problem with that, don't see it. If you don't have a problem with that (and I don't), it's a rather fun ride through a bunch of European countries. The movie is very fast-paced, and the scenery changes often enough for you not to get bored - perhaps too fast, actually. There are some questionable scenes in Italy, but overall, great movie!

It has its moments of creepy scares but most of the film is a rather dry account of a trial. If this movie has taught me anything, it is that humans are very easy to freak out. A little flicker of the lights here, a little creaking of the floor there, perhaps add some clanging doors and they think "AAAAAHHH I AM GOING TO DIIIIEEEE!!!" I mean really, even if an entity shows me hallucinations of people's eyes bleeding out of their sockets, disturbing as that may be, it would be silly to panic until said entity demonstrates its intent and/or ability to do actual harm to your person.

Crows and hyenas and maggots, oh my! Can't forget the swarms of flies, either. All life in the vicinity of the archeological unearthing of an ancient anti-church has gone absolutely bonkers! Crows eating each other, babies being born infested with maggots, spontaneous bleeding... may I be the first to say WTF?? (or SFW, whichever you prefer) What does any of this have to do with any of that? Does Lucifer (oddly portrayed as a black winged horned man, not the brilliant angel of light that the Bible clearly says he was) have a bizarre fetish for sheer random ickyness?? Besides being incoherent, most of the movie is really, excruciatingly boring... but thankfully it picks up in the last half hour or so.

Everybody should see this movie. It doesn't matter if you're Democrat and Republican. Hell, I don't always agree with Michael Moore, but I still love all his movies. Many are saying that this movie is disrespectful to the troops, but I spoke with a Vietnam vet and he agrees that it is nothing of the sort. It treats the troops as real human beings - sons and daughters, husbands and wives - not as pawns in a chess game played by a handful of elite sitting in their ivory towers. It shows that the only one disrespecting the troops is the wartime regime itself. Sometimes the most patriotic thing you can do for your country is to question the decisions of its leaders.

Trip is in his 30's, lives in a beautiful house, a perfectly tidy room, perpetually clean laundry, a fridge that never runs out of food, and has all the time in the world to play video games and pick up chicks. Life is good. What's the catch? He still lives with his parents. That's where Paula comes in, a trained professional specializing in inspiring adult children to move out on their own. This genuinely good, funny romantic comedy far surpassed my expectations. My favorite character was actually Kit (Zooey Deschanel), whose blunt, sarcastic attitude and quirky mannerisms probably make her my favorite female in all of movies. I never get tired of watching her.

A superhero adventure with likeable characters that is surprisingly funny. Unlike other mutants who try to hide their identity and/or are persecuted for who they are, the Fantastic 4 are embraced by society and the media despite (because of) their extraordinary abilities. Makes more sense to me. You still get your share of superhero angst, but most in the group are fine with their newfound powers, and one even *gasp!* enjoys them.

I hate cars, so I wanted to see this purely because it's about Japan. It still annoys me how American moviemakers feel they have to cast a Caucausian lead for the audience to be able to relate to a character, no matter how convoluted the story of how the hell he wound up in Japan is. Anyway, picture a martial arts movie, except that instead of all problems in life being solved by a tournament/duel, they race cars. The drifting was pretty cool, and I kept thinking to myself what the roads would be like if everyone drove like that on turns. I was upset that my favorite character died.

During the turn of the century China was corrupted by foreign influence that tried to crush its government and culture. To add insult to injury, colonial powers staged a tournament with the best fighters in Europe, to prove that they outdo the Chinese even in martial arts. Enter Huo Yuanjia. A real historic figure who went up against the best in Europe and Japan and emerged victorious, restoring pride and honor to his people. But the movie is hardly driven by action. The only glimpses you see of the tournament (besides the final fight) take place in the first five minutes. The rest is a rather mellow moral parable, dripping with majestic sets and beautiful scenery. Huo Yuanjia spends his youth winning battles against fellow kung fu masters in his quest to be the best, but his shallow ambition and lack of discernment in friends costs him everything he held dear. His search for redemption leads him to discover inner peace and the true nature of martial arts.

The concept of death as a sentient, vicious force that relentlessly stalks those that evade fate it is unsettling to say the least. The movie did an amazing job of building suspense and the deaths were very creative. My only complaint was the severe lack of male prettiness in this movie. I typically like to have a focus in a horror movie who I can worry about, and as the camera panned from one completely unremarkable character to another I was starting to panic. But there he was - the goth guy! Decent looking on his own, but compared to the rest of the males in the movie he was downright spectacular. When they showed him shooting pigeons I was almost ready to let him die, but he made a stunning comeback with the crazed insomniac look. I was very concerned about his future.

There are plenty of movies about the many adventures of Peter Pan, but none to do with the brilliant playwright who brought him to life - until now. It is not a lighthearted fantasy, but a tale of sorrow, loss of innocence, and coming of age in a seemingly cruel world. It is also a promise, that through the power of stories and imagination, there is light in the stifling darkness. Through the childlike spirit that hides deep within us all there is the hope for rebirth. Though our bodies cannot escape the passage of time, the ravages of disease, or the loss of loved ones, staying youthful in our hearts and minds allows us to see joy and wonder in the world.

When will bad guys learn to stop messing with Harrison Ford? Aside from his involvement, this is a pretty average movie. Criminals hold Ford's family hostage in hopes of getting him to hack into his own security programs and rob the bank of millions of dollars. But if you are going to tie up and gag a wife and two kids and stuff them in a van, why take their yapping little dog? No, really, I understand the plot purpose of having the dog there, but who in their right mind would take the dog? Were they afraid it would report them to the police?

Woman loses daughter on plane, nobody else believes woman, woman goes caraaaaaiiizeee!! I used to joke that I can think of no better description for this movie than "psycho bitch raids plane," but in all honestly I still can't. I suppose I could mention that the plot features a very annoying twist. Don't get me wrong, I like plot twists, so long as there is a buildup towards them. Not an obvious buildup, of course, but the kind that I can backtrack and find subtle clues and go "aha!" The kind that is intelligently planned and not something the scriptwriters pulled out of their ass at the last minute.

This is the story of man who tries to save his beloved across several lifetimes. As a Spanish conquistador he braves the jungles of the New World to find the Tree of Life that grants immortality. As a modern scientists he ceaselessly searches for a cure to death. As a futuristic space traveler he drifts inside a bubble towards a dying star. The movie unites elements from Christian and Mayan myth in this essay of love, death, and rebirth. It feels a lot longer than it actually is, which is not particularly a good thing, but the imagery and ideas leave a lasting impression. Ultimately it leads to the realization that death is not something to be fought, but a gateway to immortality. Whether through reincarnation or the eternal soul, consciousness lives forever in many forms.

Sometimes good people get involved in bad things. Johnny Blaze got tricked into selling his soul to the Devil in order to save his father. That didn't work out too well. Now he's cursed to transform into a flaming skeleton by night in the presence of evil and collect bounties for his master. The greatest bounty of all is on Blackheart, the Devil's own son, who plots to overthrow his father by obtaining a powerful "contract" that could unleash Hell on Earth... because he's just that eeevil. Perhaps ignorance is bliss, for I have never read the Ghost Rider comics, and those who have despise this movie. I thought it was alright. Nothing special besides Nicolas Cage's quirky mannerisms and shots of western landscapes. I thought Johnny's relationship with his love interest was adorable too.

This is a heartwarming story of a frisky porn star's attempt to rejoin everyday human society, and the poor nerd who ends up falling for her. Why do I feel sorry for a nerd that gets together with a porn star, you might ask? Because he has to go through horrible, horrible things to help her reclaim her innocence. The most horrible of those things is Kelly, the man you'd hate to love and love to hate. He's a witty, charismatic bastard who'll be your best friend for as long as you're useful to him, but should you mess with his business, he'll screw you over like you've never been screwed before. He doesn't just use every dirty trick in the book - he wrote the book! So yeah, poor nerd's life gets turned inside out.

A kid dies in a freak car accident, his parents can't bear the loss, and decide to try cloning him... what could go wrong? Everything, according to this boring mish-mash of pseudo-science and religious propaganda. This is one of those movies that people will be laughing at 20 years from now, looking back at how badly the screenwriters twisted not only unknown facts, but known facts as well. The plot is contrived, the facts presented contradict themselves, and in case you miss the point of the movie, there are constant references about humans playing God throughout.

Godawful boring movie... boring characters, boring plot, boring excuses for dramatic tension and political intrigue. I had to walk out and take a breather in the middle of it because it was so damn boring. Most annoying of all was the director of the CIA himself, who kept getting laid by all these different women that found him incredibly fascinating even though he was the most boring man alive. I just don't get it.

There are three words to describe it: creepy as hell. If you were freaked out by the last half hour of The Ring, this movie will probably kill you. This is yet another remake of a Japanese film, but at least they kept the Japanese setting and premise. The idea is that when somebody dies in the midst of intense pain or anger, that spot is forever cursed, so that any who encounter it are doomed to die. While I would wholeheartedly recommend seeing this movie, I found the actual history behind deaths involved too mundane to merit such a big supernatural fuss. Makes you wonder what kind of mayhem a truly twisted tragedy would invoke.

It's pretty bad, I'm not gonna lie. At least the first one had a coherent plot going. This one doesn't give a damn. The grudge attacks everyone in sight for no apparent reason, even overseas. It introduces some promising folklore elements that almost explain the madness, like the soul eater, and then never ties them into the story. It is unsettling at times, but the effect wears off after you realize the scares are empty and pointless without a reason behind them. The best part was when the blond girl's grudged ghost tried to make that throaty noise and failed miserably. I just could not stop laughing at that, it was priceless! By the way... the creepy undead goth look? Doesn't work with blond hair. I am still kind of bitter that the cute guy died early.

Hannibal Lector... now with 200% more Samurai bloody goodness! The franchise whose chronology is more screwed up than the Star Wars series brings you a movie to explain how Hannibal became the monster we all know and love. As a child during World War II, he witnessed the violent deaths of his parents and the brutal cannibalizing of his sister by soldiers. He was later taken in by his late uncle's Japanese wife who trained him in the ways of the sword. He put this training to good use throughout the film as he stalked his sister's murderers - and anybody that got in his way. I thought Gaspard Ulliel, who plays Hannibal, pulled off the creep factor pretty well. It starts out feeling wooden, but as he never lets up, takes on sufficiently psychotic overtones.

Dude, Where's My Car was the prototype for this comedy, a kind of pilot or promotional video for what this movie would become. While I have to admit I enjoyed the first, this is a much more refined version with a deeper message about racism, the American dream, and finding yourself. Like its predecessor, the protagonists are two bullied druggies who get mixed up in a crazy series of events including greedy hippies, rabid raccoons, an escaped cheetah, and Doogie Howser. If you can get past the fact that this is an overpriced White Castle commercial, it is thoroughly enjoyable and not only shatters racial stereotypes but one's expectations about this kind of movie.

By no means is it my intention to write a bad Harry Potter review - as it truly is an awesome, wonderful movie - it just has a few flaws that would have made it even better. Having never read the books it was still obvious to me that many things were cut out, and that many existing scenes were cut short. It is as if the editors were scraping for every second, awkwardly juggling story progression and character development in their efforts to make the allotted time. It is indeed challenging to put such a large book on screen, and the result comes off markedly more disjointed than the first three movies. Scenes have a tendency to jump around and you don't have a chance to develop the emotional attachments necessary for the new characters to have the impact they should.

Wizards and boggarts and dementors, oh my! They just get better and better, don't they. The plot thickens as a convicted murderer escapes from the most infamous magic prison in the land and, as luck would have it, he's looking for Harry Potter! With this installment the series takes a turn for the darker, and it is a change I welcome with open arms! Those dementors are really something, eh? I bet they can go head to head with the Ring-wraiths for creepyness. Oh and music! The music is positively enchanting! I even bought the soundtrack, and it's the first soundtrack I've bought in years... maybe ever! No, wait, I have the Mortal Kombat sountrack, hehehehe.

I'd have to say it was a fun adventure movie. The special effects were very impressive and in harmony with the plot, the guy with the two hand-held blades was awesome. There was a decent mix of action, humor, romance, and apocalyptic destruction. I only have two real complaints. One, I found Hellboy's arrogant, nonchalant attitude somewhat annoying. A cute, slender-yet-lethal guy can pull that attitude off with style, but for a huge muscle-bound demon it's just redundant. Two, they keep repeating the same damn Samael monster - first one, then two, then a whole room-full of them. But what do I know? I haven't even read the comic book. :-P

There's no way around it, I love Hero immensely! The richly colorful aesthetics and sweeping cinematography depicting the magnificence of imperial China are a breathtaking sight. But do not go in expecting non-stop action. At its heart, this is an epic drama with aerial ballets of swordfights thrown in as icing on the cake. It is a little-known fact, but everyone in ancient China could defy gravity - deal with it! However, all the truly unbelievable feats in Hero take place in the believability of the fighters' own minds. Also, some might get annoyed by the movie's repetition. An essentially same sequence of events is told and retold with appropriate adjustments until the truth becomes clear. I, for one, found this a fascinating approach to storytelling.

When bad things happen to good people, they can strive to enact lasting change through the legal system... but sometimes they might just turn into homicidal mutant cannibals. The latter is what an all-American family of gun-toting Republicans (and the poor Democrat their daughter married) find on their ill-fated road trip across the desert. Oh how the family poked fun at the Democrat's aversion to guns, but when push came to shove, most of them dropped like flies while the lone Democrat went berserk on the mutant town. I didn't care about him at first, but as he became progressively more blood-soaked scampering around in his broken glasses, I developed a morbid attraction. So what's the moral of this story? Don't piss off the Democrats... they're PSYCHO!!

First of all, it was just plain boring. Second of all, it was just plain bad. But the good news is that it was so bad, corny, unrealistic, and over dramatized it was actually funny. I almost assume this was intended. The violence, what little of it there was, was decently brutal. It reminded me of a David Lynch or Stanley Kubrick movie and, if you were not aware, both of them bore the living daylights out of me. I still say Richie (the main mafia boss) should've been played by Will Ferrell.

Will Smith is charming as always in this otherwise mundane romantic comedy. Indeed, Will Smith's sex appeal and smooth talking is perhaps the only thing that makes this comedy stand out and worth seeing. Did I mention I like Will Smith? It's a sweet, predictable, funny, lighthearted movie which shows that no static formula for love can work better than the natural, dynamic chemistry between two people.

This being my favorite book I have mixed feelings on the movie. I am equally amazed at the amount of things they got right as I am appalled by the amount of things they did wrong. They tried to focus on a plot, which is ridiculous because the plot is so irrelevant to its appeal that it changes with each adaptation. What Hitchhiker's Guide has going for it is conversational wit which the movie inexplicably edits to move the story along faster until it is just not funny anymore. Thankfully, many of the Guide entries have been kept, and maintain the book's sense of satire.

A trio of delinquent teenagers pick the wrong day to break into a millionaire's mansion and chief of police Jeff Talley is left to clean up the mess. For additional incentive, his own family is taken hostage by a second group of criminals who were in the middle of a transaction with said millionaire. Add to this the fact that he is haunted by memories of failed hostage negotiation attempts and you've got the perfect setup for a Bruce Willis movie. The other angst-ridden character is Mars, a quiet young man who is polite and almost charming - so long as everybody does what they're @#%& told!! All in all a decently thrilling suspense movie.

This is not the saddest movie I've ever seen (that honor goes to Cold Mountain), but it did make me cry more than any other movie. It is a true story of everyday life becoming a waking nightmare as the streets run red with the blood of your friends and neighbors. When the rest of the world turns its back, do you cower and die or do something about it? It is this kind of turmoil that transforms ordinary people into heroes and allows the human spirit to shine. Many say this is an "important" film, but it can not be stated enough. After watching it, these words will haunt you for many days to come: "If people see this footage, they'll go, 'Oh my God! That's horrible!" then go on eating their dinner."

Though the plot may not be on par with Hero or Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (which, for the record, I despise), the dazzling cinematography, stylish kung fu fighting, and lavish sets make it delicious eye candy well worth seeing. The story eventually centers around a risky love triangle that climaxes in bloody showdown. At first I thought the ending was depressing, but then I burst out laughing hysterically.

Because for some bizarre artsy reason they couldn't just spell it "I Love Huckabees"... ARGHH!! Don't see it hoping for brainless entertainment - you have to actually engage your mind in the plot if you don't want to be asking yourself "what the @#%& is this $&!%??" every few minutes. It's a very philosophical movie, and if you don't know what Existentialism is and/or don't care, this movie is probably not for you. It follows the intellectual journey of a couple of guys who question the meaning, or lack thereof, of their pathetic lives. They are, in turn, followed by two opposing factions of "investigators" who each try to spoon-feed ideas into their highly impressionable minds.

This is the movie that A.I. should've been: a fusion of Bicentennial Man and Matrix: Revolutions spiced up by the significant hotness of Will Smith. The action scenes were very decent, and I particularly love the vertical 360 degree camera pans used quite frequently here. I enjoyed that this movie showed the diversity of character and motivation found both among robots and humans, thus blurring the line between "good guys" and "bad guys" and making you think. And that's what this movie does: makes you think! Its logic is undeniable!

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, sometimes good people do bad things, and sometimes you can't tell what the hell is going on between strippers shaking their ass in your face and getting wasted. John Cusack spends most of the movie acting as if he is suffering from a very bad headache and really doesn't feel like dealing with all the crap that's going on around him. He sure took his sweet time pulling that knife out of his foot. That said, the movie definitely has its funny moments. When Wichita falls so falls Wichita Falls....... I still have no idea what that means.

An incredibly talented magician uses every trick up his sleeve to free his beloved from her unwilling engagement to the crown prince. When the prince becomes suspicious, he makes their life very difficult. The magician is undaunted, however. He can levitate objects, grow a tree in a matter of seconds, and even summon the dead. His controversial shows stir up the masses to question the prince and his loyal staff. But are his illusions real, or equally amazing fakes? He keeps everyone guessing as he pulls off the most astounding act of them all. The movie can seem to drag on across marginally related plotlines, but assure you they all flow together in the end - if you are able to process a torrent of clues thrown at you within a span of a minute before the credits. The conclusion may be overwhelming at first, but it is not cheap.

With all the superhero movies coming out lately, it's about time somebody made a parody. It's everything you could expect from a Pixar movie: it's hilarious, it's innovative, and a whole lot of fun. The movie starts off as a seeming X-men spin-off, with social paranoia forcing superheroes to hide their extraordinary powers and attempt to live a normal life. But it soon explodes into a strikingly original plotline filled with colorful characters of all shapes, sizes, and abilities. I really do like the villain here... smart, arrogant, callous, manipulative, determined, yet never foregoing his sense of humor.

I have no real opinion on this movie besides that Jodie Foster played a very annoying role. Since I work at a bank right now, you'd think a bank robbery movie would alarm me but nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, I'd shrug and hand over the money. I don't care. We're insured... o.o Oh well, after being led through a maze of distractions, the police realize that the robbers were after something more than money. I'm still not entirely sure what it was, but I wasn't exactly paying attention. I think it involved Nazis... you can't go wrong with Nazis. *dances to completely unrelated Bollywood music in the credits*

When a United Nations interpreter overhears a plot to assassinate a South African leader, she finds herself in a tangled web of conspiracy that digs deep into her tragic past. Though she escaped her volatile homeland in hope of helping the world through diplomacy, she finds this difficult to hold onto as more of her loved ones are killed and she herself is chased by hitmen. There is lot going on in this movie and you are constantly bombarded with information. Sometimes it is hard to keep up, but if you pay attention it makes for complex plot and character development that is rare nowadays.

Some would say this movie is nothing more than car chases and explosions, but I disagree. Thought admittedly not as deep as Gattaca, I believe this movie does genuinely make you think about the nature of cloning, identity, and what it means to considered a person. Do the ends justify the means? Do the means justify the ends? How well can people be controlled by empty promises and how much popular ignorance/apathy does it take to support corrupt institutions? Could a society still be considered ideal if you must sacrifice free will, individuality, curiosity, and risk to create it?

Oh my god..... oh... my... god... I just don't know what to make of this. Picture the most random, most vulgar, most dangerous pranks you can think of, times it by ten, and you might come close towards describing this movie. Snakes, sharks, and mad bulls, oh my. I never saw the first one all the way through, but I'm pretty sure this one outdoes it on several degrees. The first of which was the ability to keep my attention. I was captivated from the get go and they never broke pace. Loved it and couldn't stop laughing the entire time. I have no idea how they're still alive. I can't say I much enjoy the "toilet" (both literally and figuratively) humor aspect of it, but the physical stunts more than make up for it. Also, Johnny Knoxville is kinda cute. I think I realized this after he got bit several times by that anaconda and had blood pouring down his arms.

How would you feel if after joining the military, training your pants off, being promoted to special ops you were shipped into the middle of the open desert and waited for months on end without shooting a single bullet? Well, such is the entire movie, chronicling the lack of adventures of a band of brothers who really didn't get along much with each other. War is hell, but more of an uneventful kind of hell where you realize that you've been torn from your family, your friends, your loved ones, made media fodder and stranded under the searing sun for no particularly good reason. All the action these troops saw were the grisly aftermaths of aerial raids and burning oil fields.

There are few things sadder than a pretty girl going to see this movie with two guys who are obviously all over her and equally obviously in the "friends zone." I will hereby say that I love Ryan Reynolds, and I was happy that his wit, charm, and sarcasm shone through in a most adorable way. At the same time there were also moments of seriousness that made it all the more lovable. But what about the movie itself, you might ask? ^^;; I thought it was pretty funny.

The bloodfest continues in the second half of the Kill Bill movie... or so you'd think. Actually, there's significantly less murdering mayhem here than in the first. Not counting flashbacks, only two people die, with possibly one more whose fate is in question. No expendable henchmen to plow through, no gratuitous blood spray, nothing. There is one fun fight scene, but it does not match the scale of the first volume's battles. This movie delves into, of all thing, character development! The relationship between Bill and the Black Mamba herself is explored, and their motives revealed. Morbid humor, hilarious parodies, and references to Asian cinema are sprinkled throughout.

I don't know what the hell this thing was, but it was not King Arthur. That said, it's still a good movie if you go in there expecting something as somber, dramatic, and brutally graphic in its depictions of human cruelty to one another as Gladiator or Braveheart, instead of a magical romance of the quest for the Holy Grail. The outlook in the movie is very bleak as Christianity, err, I mean the Roman Empire, rules Britain and eeevil Saxons are approaching from the North. Paganism is well-represented, which I found refreshing. Tristan was gorgeous, if only because he reminded me of Aragorn with sexier hair. It claims to be historical, but take that with a big, big grain of salt for more reasons than I could list here.

First off, it is very long. *ahem* Some of it could've been shorter. But that's besides the point, in fact it adds an epic quality to the movie. There is a lot of bonding that goes on between King Kong and his pet human that I think was missing from the old versions. The true acknowledgement of this interspecies friendship was very touching and almost romantic in nature - making the inevitable conclusion that much more heart-wrenching. Jack Black is great as the selfish, ambitious director who would gladly tread on the skewered corpses of his colleagues to achieve his goal. Random impressions: the natives, they were absolutely terrifying! King Kong versus T-rex(s) was pretty @$^#ing awesome! The bugs! Oh dear gods, the bugs!! One thing I didn't understand is why the T-rexes would throw away perfectly good meals and risk life and limb to chase after a skinny white chick.

A long, somewhat boring, but beautiful period piece set during the Crusades. The movie does a great job of presenting both sides of the conflict, which works great for me but might hinder some from identifying with either for lack of defined "good guys" and "bad guys."

I expected this to be over the top in a way that distracts from the movie, but the goofy elements actually blended in very well (compared to, say, Shaolin Soccer). It was genuinely funny and the major fight scenes were quite impressive. Though the plot loses focus at times, it is pleasantly predictable and fits together in the end. As it is in nearly every Hong Kong martial arts movie, the story consists of a village persecuted by corrupt authority and its reliance on fighters with extraordinary powers to protect it. When they fail, their only hope lies in a kung fu genius, culminating in a Matrix-esque burly brawl and a spectacular final duel with a cameo by the Awakened One himself. Methinks I've said too much.

The mythology that sets up this fairy tale is among the most bizarre I've seen outside of anime. Don't question it, just accept it for what it is, or you'll be in for a very frustrating hour and a half. It stars the amazing Bryce Dallas Howard as a water nymph sent to save humanity, and a whole a apartment building full of misfits who find themselves trying to save her. Critics are going to hate this movie. Indeed, the movie downright ridicules and assaults critics through the antics of a side character. Shyamalan gives himself a relatively large supporting role in the film... a role that could almost be misconstrued as his attempt to make himself seem a valiant martyr for the messages his movies send. Odd, but he did a good job. I enjoyed the story. It made me ask myself if any of us will be ready to play our part in destiny when we are needed most... or is it that such pivotal times wake us up to our destiny?

Nicholas, a young Scottish doctor looking for adventure, is charmed by the extravagant theatrics of the newly established President of Uganda, Idi Amin. But what started as an idealistic dream of empowering the common man and establishing a sovereign African nation soon turned into a reign of terror and genocide. There is even a form of torture where a man is impaled through the skin of his chest with hooks and hung from the ceiling with ropes. I find the locals' aversion to this custom amusing because there are Native American tribes that engage in it willingly during the Sun Dance. Anyway, when Nicholas confronts Amin about his actions, the President reveals his unstable nature. He praises Nicholas as his closest advisor one minute, ridicules his opinions the next, and threatens him afterwards. Nicholas is rightly afraid for his life and tries to escape, but that doesn't go over well.

I can't vouch for its historical accuracy, but I would say its entertainment value is on par with the original. Antonio Banderas is still a great Zorro, and Catherine Zeta Jones is still one of the most beautiful actresses on the planet. The sequel focuses more on family issues, including marital conflicts that adults can relate to. There is plenty of clichés, plenty of humor, and plenty of outlandish action. Indeed, people die.

As anyone who read the books would know (and I didn't), the story chronicles the adventures of three lovable orphans as they work together to evade Count Olaf's ruthless attempts to kill, maim, and/or marry them and their loved ones. Their efforts prove less of a triumph and more a case of desperate survival. Through all the soul-shrinking chaos they find clues to their parents' involvement in a secret society and what led to their demise. As the promo slogan says: "finally, a movie without all that pesky hope and joy!" I found it a very refreshing change of pace from the spoon-fed sugar-coatedness of most family movies, reminding us that the true spirit of togetherness is discovered through facing hardships.

This is a very long, very slow, very colorless movie. If it was in English, I would probably have gone insane after the first half hour... but it was in Japanese, and therefore could keep my attention indefinitely. Another bonus was the sweet, sympathetic main character named Saigo who wasn't afraid to think for himself. And that's what the movie is about, really: individualism versus Imperial Japan's obsession with the bushido code of the Samurai. Honor is preserved by dying for the Emperor, by having the courage to kill yourself if you fail, by killing those that try to escape death alongside their comrades, etc. Saigo did not care for these things, and only wanted to make it back to his wife and child alive. The movie showed the full spectrum of human opinions, emotions, determination, and doubt from both the Japanese and American sides of the battlefield. It is an interesting counterpart to Flags of Our Fathers.

This is what you get when you cross The Royal Tenenbaums with Seinfeld - a dry comedy about nothing. Meaning, the jokes are not in-your-face punchlines, but understated through quirky chemistry and highly amusing circumstance. I still have no idea what the point of the movie was. Your ship could be raided by pirates - f'in pirates! - and you can fight them off single-handedly, yet still die in a freak helicopter accident. You could make something your life purpose, yet when it is in your grasp realize you didn't really want it. Life goes on.

Welcome to a family with a drug-addicted pervert of a grandfather, a success-obsessed father who doesn't have a dollar to his name, an overworked mother, a suicidal gay uncle who happens to be the world's foremost Proust scholar, and an emo brother who has taken a vow of silence to avoid the insanity. Tying them all together is a little girl named Olive, who is not exceptional in any way aside from her wish to participate in the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant. She drags her family on an ill-equipped road trip where, stuck in the same tiny bus, they learn to co-exist with their differences. The clash of personalities makes for a very funny comedy, but nothing can prepare you for the end.

LORD OF THE RINGS:
Return of the King
11 Stars

Without a doubt, my favorite movie series of all time! (*cough* tied with Star Wars *cough*) If this does not win Best Picture at the Oscars, there shall be riots in the streets, there shall be murder and mayhem... well, I don't think we'll have to worry about that. The fact is, nothing beats Lord of the Rings on epic story, breathtaking scenery, and gorgeous male eye-candy. (UPDATE: it did, indeed, win Best Picture)

Tom Dobbs is a comedian who happily runs an insightful talk show touching upon political subjects. He never expected his audience to push him to run for President of the United States. Yet this is exactly what he does. He speaks his mind, he boycotts political ads, he steals the show in televised debates, and he wins! Well, kind of. See, there was a glitch in the computerized voting system that screwed the whole process over. And this is where the bizarre split personality of this movie comes in. The woman who discovered the glitch is on the run for her life/identity/sanity from the company that does not want to disclose its mistakes. The film is part comedy, and part suspense thriller... and the two don't mix very well. Still, it challenges the stale two-party system that the USA currently takes for granted in fun and refreshing ways.

Watching this movie is akin to entering a twisting labyrinth of tangled conspiracy theories: some viewers will make it out of the labyrinth understanding what the hell just happened, while others will hit a dead end somewhere along the way. For those of us that appreciate the rationality of the more wacky conspiracy theories out there, this movie shows how a simple man's view of the world can be shattered when disturbing coincidences start cropping up in his daily life. The reduction of living beings to automatons that could be controlled with the flick of a switch is pitted against the eternal question of whether or not we have something deep down inside us that is immune to such things.

Strangely marketed as a kids movie, this stark  march of death features some of the most disturbing imagery I have ever seen. Picture an egg cracking open from the cold and getting frozen over in a web of icicles in a matter of seconds, dead chicks rotting in the snow, mothers unable to handle the loss of a chick trying to steal one from others, predatory birds pecking at live young, and grown penguins keeling over from starvation. Ultimately, of course, this is a movie that celebrates the continuity of life in a harsh, barren landscape. 

This is a surprisingly charming comedy of a lonely hitman just looking for a friend. OK, a lonely hitman who is starting to screw up his assignments just looking for a friend. Fine, a lonely hitman in the middle of a nervous breakdown who is starting to screw up his assignments just looking for a friend to assist him in pulling off his assassinations. The unlikely friendship that blossoms from his efforts is very amusing to watch. It stars Pierce Brosnan in a role typically reserved for Bruce Willis, and he does a pretty decent job of it.

This is one of the more intelligent teen comedies to come out lately. A homeschooled girl raised in Africa moves to the United States and enters the wild and wacky world of public high school. After sorting through various cliques, she makes friends with a couple of outcasts who dare her to plot the downfall of the most popular girl in the school. The plot is very formulaic, but I don't understand why some people see that as a bad thing. Hey, if it works, it works! As to be expected, things eventually blow up in the heroine's face, and she has to fix her own mess.

A logical plot progression from Meet the Parents, the sequel focuses on the bride's side of the family as they go to meet Gaylord's eccentric parents. It is a very funny movie which comes close to matching the original, however it falls into the trap that many comedies do these days: the overemphasis on sexual humor in otherwise non-sexual contexts. In the olden days (*cough*80's*cough*), writers knew how to be funny without resorting to crude humor. Don't get me wrong, crude humor can be very funny (ex: There's Something About Mary), but if there's nothing but, it makes me think they couldn't come up with anything better.

Well, it's what you would expect from a Hollywood production based off a book written by a Caucasian man and starring Chinese actresses as the embodiments of Japanese culture. The movie is certainly filled with delicious eye candy ranging from picturesque cities, cherry blossoms, traditional gardens and, of course, the ladies themselves - particularly Gong Li and Michelle Yeoh. But it falls short of having much substance behind it. What especially annoyed me was their inability to stick to a language. It was bad enough that they took the English with vaguely Asian-esque accent approach, but they'd threw in Japanese here and there for no apparent reason. If the people are already supposedly speaking Japanese, why would they need random Japanese phrases?

An awkward blend of The Grudge and The Amityville Horror, this is your basic plot of family-moves-into-haunted-house-in-the-middle-of-nowhere. The ghosts in this house tend to crawl, walk, and hover around aimlessly more than usual. Scene with a spirit passing in the foreground, scene with a spirit passing in the background, scene with another spirit scampering away along the ceiling, yet another crawling towards a corner in the barn. What are they doing? Where are they going? Why do they bother? I have no idea. Perhaps they're trying to get away from the militant flock of ravens that are determined to chase all other two-leggeds off their property. I like how the girl carried her clairvoyant baby brother through the house as a ghost detector. I do the same with my cat.

This is a typical story of girl meets trainer, trainer shuns girl, girl wins over trainer and becomes a women's boxing superstar. It is a good movie, but it is also a very long movie. I have two main problems with it. One is the atmosphere. Even during the high points, the movie remains dark, hopeless, and depressing. While the characters are interesting, there's not one shred of a happy memory behind them. Secondly I could have really done without the last half hour of the movie. Yes, I get it, they're trying to make a point, but only Lord of the Rings has an excuse to drag out every gritty detail of an ending for that long.

Ethan, a top agent of the Impossible Mission Force, wants to quit his high-stress job, settle down with his wife, have a family... but when it comes to men like Ethan, the past has a way of catching up with him. He agrees to do one last mission for IMF and the next thing he knows his wife is kidnapped, the government turns against him, he has a bomb in his brain, his boss is lecturing him about covert politics that are way over his head, and only has a few hours to recover a top secret weapon and make this nightmare go away. Such is the stuff that impossible missions are made of! Nonstop action and explosions make this a pretty fun ride.

Fun movie, as most action comedies are. There's some fights, some shootouts, and some twists, but nothing special. If you like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as a couple, by all means watch it, because that is the entirety of its appeal.

"The world was watching in 1972 as 11 Israeli athletes were murdered at the Munich Olympics. This is the story of what happened next." This is essentially a brooding, morbid, paranoid exploration of one man's loss of innocence. Well, not just one man, several men, but you never really get to know much about the rest of them. By the end of it, I felt like I was being hunted! The movie does its best to present the determination, justification, and frustration that each side feels for its actions, bringing out the humanity in people at their darkest. It dwells on how complicated the conflict in the Middle East really is, how eye-for-an-eye vengeance only breeds tougher problems, and ultimately offers no solutions.

Romantic comedy aside, this is a fascinating take on the neurotic psychology of a stereotypical superhero. How paranoid would you be with the word's supervillains at your heels every waking moment? At what point would you break down and decide that you deserve a day off? How much would you appreciate it if somebody saved you for a change? How would it affect the balance of power in a relationship? This movie addresses all these questions and more, as Matt Saunders learns the hard way that breaking up with an unstable emotional wreck of a superhero has grave consequences. My favorite part is probably at the very end concerning the cute twist with the supervillain.

It turns out the Founding Fathers of the USA were Freemasons, descendants of the Knight's Templar, who have encrypted the country's currency, documents, and monuments with their society's secret code, leaving a tantalizing trail for future generations to follow. Where does this trail lead? To a treasure beyond the wildest dreams, accumulating from the times of pharaonic Egypt and the Crusades. Anyone who is into mystical conspiracies would have HOLY GRAIL flashing in their minds by now like a bright neon bar sign... but no, it is not so, and that is perhaps my sole disappointment in this otherwise fun action/adventure movie.

The shooting style started out as suitably hypnotic. The scenery was enchanting, the music was haunting, Pocahontas and John Smith falling in love was depicted beautifully without the need for dialogue. But halfway into the movie it just started to drag on like a snail up a wall of slime. Several people walked out, my dad started to make random comments on the characters' outfits to pass the time, it was just agonizingly boring for no good reason. The Natives ("Naturals") were portrayed as a utopian society that was insultingly naive - neither of which was the case. Besides that I hear the movie was as historically accurate as possible, which might help explain why NOTHING WAS HAPPENING.

For a movie with such a wild premise, it sure was very tame. After the initial sense of wonder wears off, and after the banter between Octavius and Jedediah grows old, all you're left with is sugar-coated fluff without any substance. So much potential wasted!

The supernatural premise of this movie is silly from a numerological perspective. Basically, if you get really creative and make up rules to suit your agenda, just about anything can be reduced to the number 23. 32? 23 backwards. Mayan end of the world? 2012... 1+2=3... 3+20=23! (nevermind that 2+0+1+2=5, or that 23 should be reduced to 2+3=5... is 5 the real culprit here?? NO! It's 23!) Is your birthday October 13th? 10+13=23! Did something bad happen on February 23rd 2006? 23! (umm, isn't that 2+23=25? or 2+2+3+2+0+0+6=15=1+5=6? NO!! 23!!!1! ok, ok... jeez) The movie follows one man's obsession to decipher the number and regain control of his life. I was actually relieved by the ending... not what he did, but what the number meant. It's a fascinating look at subjective reality and our ideas of destiny.

Wow, what a royal waste of time this was. I can't quite decide whether I disliked it because it was boring, unnecessarily confusing, or the idea of making a sequel to a robbery movie be about giving all the money back (with interest!). Matt Damon's involvement never ceases to annoy me, but perhaps the most irritating part was Julia Roberts' character trying to pass herself off as *gasp!* Julia Roberts! I'm sure it makes for a great Hollywood inside joke, guys, but nobody else cares. ^_^x Aside from the motion sensor dance number by the master thief, I was falling asleep.

As a snobby elitist, I have to say the original was better. Much of the remake is unintentionally humorous, and though the new Damien has the pouty/constipated look down, he never quite manages to look suitably creepy. Long periods of boredom are interrupted by bursts of loud sound meant to elicit cheap scares and/or shock you back into paying attention. The scariest part for me was when a live baby started crying in the movie theater... and not just because children frighten me... but who would take their baby to see a horror movie, The Omen no less, and on 6/6/6 on top of that. Are they trying to instill Damien's soul in their child?? *shrug*

Ofelia, a young girl living in war-torn Spain, is confronted by a faun who tells her she is the long-awaited reincarnation of a Princess lost to an underground realm long ago. She must complete three tasks before the full moon if she wants to reclaim her birthright. Is this magical world real, or is she simply imagining an escape from harsh reality? Whatever the case may be, this is one dark fairy tale. As the plot thickens in the human world, Ofelia's trials in the otherworld get more twisted and terrifying. I was most impressed by the creative scope of the story: the descriptive language, the creatures' metamorphosis, the magical remedies, the mythology, and even the architecture. There are so many layers to the symbolism, and most of it is not overtly explained, but felt through the elaborate details in the scenery. This is a beautifully tragic movie of how innocence prevails even in the most brutal of settings.

First off, it did not make me want to go out and kill Jews. Secondly, what can I say? The movie is very well done, and I'm happy the story is finally being told in the languages Jesus and those around him actually spoke. How Judas was handled was very, veeery creepy (which is a good thing). It is also an agonizingly violent movie, so squeamish ones be warned. I have to admit, that as traumatic as all the torture was, I was more touched by the pain of Mary seeing all that done to her son. Church groups are going to see The Passion in droves, and I honestly wonder how they could praise the amount of brutality in this and then condemn the evils of violence in movies.

The plot? Predictable. The dialogue? Terrible. The characters? Not the brightest people in the world. As for the movie itself, I absolutely loved it! I myself don't really understand why. Perhaps it was the setting (I love Native America), or the atmosphere (ruthless carnage), or maybe it's just because Ghost got beat up a lot, I'm not sure. I think it does a great job of making you feel like you're there. You can feel the chill of the harsh snowy landscape! The movie feels like a dream, and makes about as much sense as one, but if you suspend disbelief, it can prove to be wonderful escapism. My only problem was the ending, because stories of self-sacrifice really lose their power without the, you know, SELF-SACRIFICE part. It's actually a remake of a 1987 movie by the same name, except I remember that one making a lot more sense.

For a movie that was supposed to come out last year, failed utterly in its test screenings, and was suspended for half a year of tweaking, I expected the worst. It was, I'm happy to say, much funnier than I anticipated. Not as funny as the original, but I could see that those involved worked hard to cater to fans of the original and I can respect that. It did not avoid the pitfall that many remakes face nowadays - the idea that "modernizing" a classic means infusing it with sexual humor - but it still had plenty of physical comedy and word play that made the original so successful. 

Damn Disney and their accursed sequels! The first Pirates of the Caribbean was brilliant! perfect! flawless! The second only exists to leech off of its success. It is by no means a bad movie, and is certainly entertaining, but it can not hold a candle to its predecessor. It is darker and more violent, but it lacks the substance, intelligence, and character development that made the first movie so enjoyable. There are few setups for the jokes, and most of them rehash ones done better the first time around. Captain Jack Sparrow is still as witty and charming as he can be under the circumstances, but the movie accents the less likable aspects of his personality. My favorite part was probably the three-way fight scene on the beach towards the end. The ending is quite a shock and makes very worried about the content of the second sequel... or, rather, Sparrow's role in the second sequel.

I'm really starting to find it hard to get into movies where I hate the characters. It is about two magicians whose fierce rivalry was sparked by a tragic accident during a performance. From then on, their hatred for each other grew and grew, escalating to ever deadlier proportions and climaxing in their efforts to outdo each other at a trick called the Transported Man. Both of them are complete ass wipes, always ready to trample over and sacrifice the people they love to get an edge in a performance. But I guess that was the entire point... how obsession and ambition can overwhelm our humanity. Not a happy movie, folks, and the ending is pretty disturbing from both sides of the conflict. One thing I did like was the incorporation of Nikolai Tesla - one of my favorite eccentric scientists. One thing I wish I never found out was how many innocent birds were killed by old school magicians.

Straight from the brilliant mind of Mel Brooks - the man who acts in his own movies, pens his own scripts, writes his own lyrics, and composes his own music. I usually stay away from musicals, but this one was truly funny. As pretty much everyone besides me already knew, the plot revolves around a deadbeat producer whose accountant comes up with the idea that, under the right circumstances, one can make more money with a flop than with a hit. They champion a play entitled "Springtime for Hitler," sure to offend young and old alike. However, the plot backfires, the play is hailed as a satirical comedy, and the masterminds are left in ruin. Knowing the story does not at all take away from the enjoyment of the movie.

Cam comes from a long line of Muay Thai warriors who raise and protect the sacred royal elephants. When two of his beloved elephants are stolen away to Australia, Cam goes overseas to rescue them and finds himself entangled in a web of mafia intrigue. But if you're anything like me, you only want to know one thing: how are the fight scenes? Tony Jaa definitely delivers above and beyond his previous work. His raw power and gravity-defying acrobatics are mesmerizing to behold. He fights big guys, he fights little guys, he fights skilled guys, he fights giant gorilla men, he fights this one cool guy in a flaming temple. In the final battle, he fights everyone at the same time. Wow is that last fight long - but impressive! Reminds me of what I'd do if anybody harmed my cat. Take home lesson: bones are crunchy!

In their efforts to expand the frequency range of information transfer, scientists have tapped into the realm of the dead and the damned. Now ravenous ghosts travel the airways, infecting anyone who is watching or listening with some supernatural virus that robs them of their will to live until they disappear in a cloud of ashes. Pretty creepy, right? Wrong. This movie was not scary at all. To make matters worse, it seemed to me that male characters were getting killed off in order of their prettiness - from most to least. Thankfully, a new guy appeared towards the middle who was far prettier than all the others, so I focused on him, making my wait through this borefest a little more bearable. The neglected cat in the closet still makes me sick, though. I can't watch animals suffer, even in movies.

Yes, I know it's spelled wrong. This movie chronicles the trials undergone by a father and son in their quest for the American Dream. Chris Gardner had terrible luck selling medical equipment, and tries for a stockbroker internship instead. But when his wife leaves him for a more stable life, he is left with no real ways to support himself and their son. He must persevere through jail time, tax seizure, even outright homelessness for a dismal chance at a lucrative career. Chris' determination to succeed and his devotion to his son are both awe-inspiring, and ultimately pay off in millions. It's fun to see both Will Smith and his son Jaden Smith in the same movie.

It wasn't bad, but the only thing it accomplished is make me feel oddly sorry for the villain. The poor thing has to baby-sit an uncooperative hostage who stabs him in the throat with a pen, lodges her high-heeled shoes in his thigh, throws him down stairs, shoots him, and generally makes it hard for him to do his damn job. Don't kill the messenger... O.o

In the first Resident Evil movie, you were as clueless as the characters, and gradually learned about the plot as the characters learned about themselves. The sequel thrusts you straight into the middle of the outbreak and surrounds you by expendable, one-dimensional characters backed by an invincible heroine. The mystery is stripped away and the creepiness of the first movie is gone. The action itself is great, but action alone can't carry a movie if you don't care about the characters. Perhaps the only saving grace is the stereotypical hapless black comic relief. He was the only character I really cared about or remembered, and he was genuinely funny.

The plot here is better than the first one, more of the back story is revealed, and the methods for dealing with the problem are metaphysically sound. However, the scares have been taken down a notch. The conflict moves from the physical to the psychological arena as Samara tries to take over Aidan. We learn two things in this movie. One is that, sheer mindless killing aside, all Samara really wants is a mother. The other is that deer really, really hate dead people... with a passion.

RVs, recreational vehicles. We've all seen them, but have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in one? Well wonder no longer because this movie is the next best/worst thing to being there! The lack of suitable parking, the inevitable middle-of-nowhere traffic jams, the thrill of passing via the oncoming lane, the dreaded sewage mishaps, the painfully obvious GPS direction, the unreliable internet connection - it's all here! An average comedy set to breathtaking scenery, the movie deals with an aging businessman's attempts to balance career and family time - and failing in both.

This movie had the worst case of impossible bullet dodging I've seen in a long time. The main characters were shot at constantly, making whatever they were in/on/under look like Swiss cheese, yet nobody got so much as scathed. They, on the other hand, could fire anything from a flare gun to a Civil War cannon and land the shot. To make things worse, the main male characters did not give off the impression that they were remotely capable of the intelligence or discipline required to do their jobs. Africa should be insulted that these two idiots could overthrow an entire country's warlord. But, as the warlord himself said, "nobody cares about Africa." There are certainly better adventure movies out there, but I guess it could be worse.

I thought the first Saw was alright, but this one I actually enjoyed. It is particularly fascinating that in the second installment we learn about Jigsaw's past and motivations. Quite frankly, they are convincing, and I truly think putting those ideas out there could trigger real life copycats. "Those who do not appreciate life do not deserve life," he explains. Life is a sacred gift that many people take for granted, and those that abuse this gift must earn it back by demonstrating the will to survive. And finally, something that resonates very deeply with me: "The cure for death itself. The answer is immortality."

This installment spoofs War of the Worlds, Saw, The Grudge, The Village, Million Dollar Baby, Oprah, and... King Kong? *checks the poster* Yep, King Kong. It's very amusing if you've seen the originals. The way they weave a (semi-)coherent plot together from all those diverse sources is probably the most engaging part for me. Well besides maybe Brenda. I always liked Brenda. The pasty Japanese ghost kid still freaks me out, though.

After being himself got him rejected by co-workers, females, and small children, Roger resorts to taking a shady class designed to turn losers into lions. The teacher is known only as Dr. P, and tests his students by forcing them out of their comfort zones and into confrontation with their fears (and bullies, and paintballs, and street musicians, and hospital patients). Roger soon emerges as best in his class, but little does he know that now the real lessons begin. He now has to compete with Dr. P himself in a no-holds-barred game of lies, betrayal, and slander. The last guy challenged by Dr. P ended up leaving town and hiding in a house full of cats. This comedy walks a fine line between formula and originality, but it works!

If you like movies that are so bad they're good, see this movie. The word "campy" doesn't even begin to describe it. If you like Jennifer Tilly, by all means see this movie right now. If you are looking for a glorious rebirth of the 80's horror classic Child's Play, I offer my condolences. The most dysfunctional couple in movie history (yes, more so than Natural Born Killers) now has a kid to raise, and they must repent their homicidal ways if they want to be good parents. This proves harder than it sounds, however, especially since Chucky was never too fond of the idea in the first place.

This sci-fi movie has an impeccable mixture of story, action, and humor. Corny humor, but you get used to it and it flows true to life. The characters aren't invincible - people get hurt, people die! I felt some of River's fight scenes could have been faster-paced, but that's really my only complaint about the whole thing. I absolutely adored The Operative, an assassin/bounty-hunter sent to hunt down River. He is intelligent,  honorable, and fights beautifully. Though he strives to create a perfect world he is fully aware that he is a monster who can not be part of it. You gotta admire that.

What do you get when your main marketing power is Will Smith, Angelina Jolie, Robert De Niro, Renee Zellwegger, and Jack Black in the same movie? A half-assed script. When you have a metropolis complete with ghettos, billboards, and lavish apartments, the choice for an aquatic setting boggles the mind. A Finding Nemo clone this is not, but that is one of its downfalls. While renaming everything to their marine equivalents (car wash --> whale wash) might be superficially amusing to land-lubbers, it would make no sense to a creature within the undersea context. And what made even less sense were the constant references to US pop culture (Playstations, Jaws theme, popular songs) and clearly terrestrial phenomenon (eagles, fire, butts). Oh, and the humor stunk worse than a fish out of water.

If the people around you one day turned into zombie drones, would you notice? I probably wouldn't. Until they develop a taste for my brains, that is. Such is the case with our hero Shaun, who spends his days at a boring minimum wage job and his nights playing PS2 with his slacker roommate. But when his girlfriend dumps him and droves of undead take over the neighborhood, he decides it is time to take action to save his friends, his mom, and his relationship. While this is essentially a lighthearted, gory comedy, the climax reveals its true colors by taking a u-turn for the dark and twisted. Much funnier than I expected.

While the first Shrek dealt more with comedy and adventure, the second deals a lot with relationships and married life. While this is surely amusing to the parents, I doubt the younger audience the series targets will click with the new theme. The movie deals with Shrek trying to gain the approval of Fiona's parents which, believe it or not, takes a bit of work. Generally speaking, I think if you liked the first movie, you will probably enjoy the second one. I myself was not blown away by the first one, and was really only looking forward to the cat (Puss In Boots) in the second one... and let me tell you, the cat delivered!!

Two friends - one hopelessly divorced, the other about to get married - embark on a road trip through wine country to shed their inhibitions and get laid. Nay, not psycho biker chicks, obsessed fans, nor enraged naked men could deter them from their quest. But hey, what happens in wine country stays in wine country. This movie is genuinely funny without sacrificing the dramatic depth of its characters that adds its crucial ingredients of heart and sympathy.

It is a town entered through a fog strewn with the ashes of a fire that consumed its greatest secret, yet something still remembers, since every now and then reality peels away and Hell itself descends to ravage the God-fearing folk of Silent Hill. Humans flock in terror from that which they don't understand, but sometimes light can be blinding. Though blind faith is strong enough to ward off evil, it is also rigid enough to keep out the truth. The darkness has its own motivations and its own intelligence that can be reasoned with, but the darkest of Hells resides in the corruption of a human heart. If you invite the dark, don't be surprised when it comes to claim you, for no favor comes without a price.

If you expect this to be one flowing movie, think again. It is a series of 3.5 stories tied together only by taking place in the same city. You see all of the characters some of the time, you see some of the characters all of the time, but they only have minor roles outside their designated story. Hypnotically surreal cinematography, unflinching brutality, and morbid internal monologues dominate this film. My favorite characters were Kevin, who'll leave you breathless before you can say "haha it's Elijah Wo-" and Dwight, because he has a nice voice and knows his place when surrounded by armed hookers. 

If you can get over the hazy glow that predominates this movie, it's really quite good! Overall it reminded me of Indiana Jones. You see, Princess Leia and Han Solo escape the destruction of the rebel base and set out in the Millennium Falcon on a quest to find the man controlling the giant mecha. On the way they have to cross the Misty Mountains and make a short stop in Rivendell before landing in the middle of the Dagobah swamps. They fight their way into what could only be a Matrix battery plant and are confronted by the Emperor's hologram that tells them his Death Star will destroy the Earth. The part of Darth Maul is played by a mysterious lady in a black leather jumpsuit.

It's very hard for this movie to fall short of your expectations. You got a plane, and there's snakes on it... lots of rabid, poisonous snakes of all shapes and sizes. Why are they there? Because a criminal didn't want a passenger testifying against him for witnessing a murder. (Hey, at least it wasn't Al Qaeda.) How did they get there? I don't know, I don't care! Point being there's snakes on the motherfuckin' plane, man! Every vulnerable human body part you can imagine, they bite. Every gratuitously dangerous situation you can have on an airplane with snakes, it's there. Lots of people die in very ugly ways. And that's it. That's the whole movie. Take it or leave it.

The second installment of the Spiderman saga is deeper, darker, creepier, and funnier than the first. Sam Raimi poignantly reminds us that he is truly the director of the Evil Dead series. This movie sports some of the most thrilling action sequences ever put on screen and the special effects are out of this world! Spiderman himself gets torn up, beat down, knocked out, and tied up enough to satisfy my craving for blood. On the campier side of things, there was a disproportionate amount of women in this movie just standing there and screaming their head off like screeching sirens. Much like the sound birds or monkeys make when they see a predator nearby.

Do I really need to review this? Uhh... it kicked ass!!! Yeap.

Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are together again, and while this movie falls short of the sheer brilliance of Zoolander, their chemistry is still evident and it makes for an enjoyable movie. As great a comedic due as they are, Snoop Dogg (who plays Huggy Bear) steals the scene in all the screen time he gets. Juliette Lewis, Will Ferrell, and the actors who played the original Starsky and Hutch also make appearances. It had some very funny moments but, when it came down to it, I didn't really care what was going on.

The most bizarre attempt at an abstract intellectual essay I have ever seen. It sets itself up to seem like some kind of Sixth Sense meets Fight Club but turns out to be nothing remotely close. My best guess is that it was about the vastness of the mind, the relativity of time, and the nature of dreams. When it comes down to it, however, the movie made no sense. The few shreds that did make sense clashed with those that didn't, and the complete lack of resolution/explanation left the viewer with one big "huh??" Still, it gave me a bunch to think about and the fragmented glitches in reality were pretty cool.

When plotting revenge in a world where run of the mill hauntings have gone out of style, what's a fashionable 17th century mass murdering witch to do? Why, design a state of the art next generation video game to lure in the young'ns with its sweet, sweet graphics, streamlined controls, and realistic physics. So realistic, in fact, that they would end up dying in real life, too. Such is the premise of this bizarre take on the gamer culture. True, some of the odd references and terminology were amusing, but when it came down to it, video game graphics chasing after you outside the game did nothing for me.

It wasn't bad, it wasn't good... it was cute. For the stellar cast that it had, it should have been a lot better. What saddens me the most is that the movie has a powerful, interesting, and thought-provoking message to get across the audience, and although that message comes through, it is delivered in such a blunt and derogatory way that it's hard to take it seriously. It is force-fed to you with all the dryness of a sociology lecture, so that even though it's talking about human beings, you fail to draw meaningful implications from it to your own life.

The legendary Man of Steel... defender of justice, protector of the weak, shameless voyeur... has taken a five year leave of absence to reconnect with his heritage. When he returns, he finds that Lois Lane is engaged, Lex Luthor is free, and worst of all, somebody has stolen his activation crystals... damn them. Much of the world has changed, but Superman works hard to reestablish his reputation. Meanwhile, Lex Luthor had discovered that pieces of krypton, like chia pets, sprout into rapid growth if you add water. Add an ocean, and you might just get a whole continent. In his clever foresight, he laced his project with poisonous kryptonite, so that when Superman decided to make himself a problem, Lex was ready to open up a can of torture on his ass. In the end, Superman proved once again that the only thing he's good for is lifting/lowering/moving heavy objects.

All his life Ricky Bobby had wanted to go fast, and he achieved his dream by becoming the #1 professional Nascar driver. He had the perfect house, the perfect wife, the perfect kids, and even the perfect best friend. Enter Jean Girrard, a gay Frenchman looking for a challenge. Jean defeats Ricky and leaves him on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But even after recovering from a non-existent fire, a non-existent paralysis, and a very real though self-inflicted leg wound, Ricky learns that his wife had left him for his best friend and he has to move in with his mother. This movie is chock full of awkward Jesus jokes, homosexual undertones, and good old all-American stupidity, but it is highly entertaining. The final showdown is a beautiful testament to the stubbornness of the human spirit.

I like Queen Latifah, so I went to see this because she was in it. It's not as bad as the critics make it out to be. It sorta grows on ya. You know, like you come out thinking "well, it wasn't quite as pathetic as the first 15 minutes made it look like it'd be." And hey, they've got the lead bad girl pat down the hot (female) police chief type person... that's not something you see everyday. For all its flaws it does have some redeeming qualities, but I won't deny that the bad outweighs the good. Still, there's worse things to blow your money on. 

This thing has to be seen to be believed. If you think Trey Parker has done some outrageous things before, you've seen nothing yet. I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed this movie - the good, the bad, and the ugly. The creators of South Park are best known for demystifying complex issues and laying them down in simple, straightforward, albeit highly offensive, terms. I'm not entirely sure what their point here was, but I believe it went something like this: "there are three kinds of people in this world: ****s, *******s and ******s. We're ****s, and the rest of the world are ******s. But sometimes an ******* comes along and wants to **** all over everyone, and the only kind of person who can **** an ****** is a ****, because ******s are just an inch away from being *******s themselves."

It's sweet and funny, and as exciting as a movie set entirely in an airport can get, minus terrorist threats. Tom Hanks plays an immigrant without a country who embodies the very definition of making the most out of a bad situation as he builds an entire life within the confines of JFK airport, complete with friendship, love, and work. Hanks does an admirable job of mastering the Slavic-esque accent, however when he actually tries to speak the native language of his character it comes out virtual gibberish. Seriously, I think he was just making stuff up... O.o;;

If you ever wondered how Leatherface got to be where he is, this is the movie for you. Personally, Texas Chainsaw Massacres always bored me. Human villains just don't do anything for me and their motivations were unbelievable even for a family of twisted perverts. The movie starts out with some suitably sickening imagery and doesn't let up from there. Incidentally, the opening scene perfectly captures my idea of childbirth. But there is a difference between disturbing and disgusting. Something disturbing can penetrate to the core of your soul without shedding a single drop of blood. Something disgusting just makes you squirm and go "eww." This movie definitely goes for the latter, which is a real shame. Although perhaps the fact that the most sympathetic character was Leatherface could be considered disturbing.

One of the funniest comedies and wittiest satires I've seen, no question about it. More quotable lines than I can count, my favorites being "the beauty of argument is that if you argue correctly, you're never wrong" (one of my personal mottos) and "When do you sleep??" "Sunday" (which I relate to). It's an interesting look at lobbyists, motivation, word play, media influence, politics, and fact spinning. Ultimately, it's all about the mortgage... err, I mean personal responsibility and choice.

My favorite classical love story brought to life in a historical context. I expected this movie to suck. It didn't. The action was brutal, gory, and well choreographed. It carried the atmosphere of the dark ages very well. The serious, heavy, morbid tone of the movie was quite befitting of a tragic love story. The whole nursing Tristan back to health scenario couldn't have been sexier. Mark's incompetent son was really hot. About my only problem with the movie was that Tristan and Isolde's attempts to carry on a secret love life ranged from irresponsible, to silly, to downright careless. I was embarrassed for them.

This is a story about REAL war - no guns, no bombs, just up close and personal! The fighting was fast and brutal, and Achilles was everything I hoped he'd be. I enjoyed the script and I like the philosophies presented by the different characters. I also think the depth and psychology of each character was very well done. The story itself, however, was stripped of all its supernatural elements. True, this made the reason for the war lose all credibility, and part of me still misses Cassandra's presence, but I understand that the complete scope of the book was far too large to cover in one movie, and I heartily enjoyed this interpretation of it.

This is a heartwarming story of two tiger cubs separated when they were young, raised in very different environments, and finally reuniting through a sequence of events that could only be described as fate. The shots in this movie are breathtaking, and the tigers' performances put the human actors to shame. There were times when the tigers were talking to each other that I expected subtitles to pop up on the screen - so complex and expressive their language was, and indeed is. But, of course, you don't need subtitles to understand what they say, for they speak in a universal tongue that all beings across the cosmos can understand.

This movie has all the visual flair and nonsensical plot of Aeon Flux, except that Aeon Flux at least tried to show how exactly Aeon dispatched her opponents - outlandish though it was. Ultraviolet does not bother with such petty details. Violet takes out whole rooms of henchmen in a single sword swing. You go girl... (O.o???) *insert random blur effect here* Some of the more dramatic dialogue was so pathetic I involuntarily burst out laughing on several occasions. Who could forget the fateful line Daxus utters as he wipes off a tiny sliver of blood: "you got hemo blood on me... now it's ON!"

Just as good if not better than the original! It expands on the backstory from the already complicated plot of the first movie, elaborating on the origins of vampires, lycans, and even Selene's family. The movie is very fast-paced and there's never a dull moment. The action sequences are brutally creative. I am still rather annoyed at the portrayal of lycans as mindless monsters and vampires as sophisticated creatures of intelligence and beauty. But so long as there's vampires getting shoved into helicopter propellers I'm not one to complain.

When the British government enforces a theocratic dictatorship that rules by fear, V comes to the rescue, a masked crusader with a "vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous." Err... he blows $#!% up. A hero that blows up national monuments, straps explosives to himself, and lectures a peace-loving heroine on the virtues of violent resistance?? Unheard of!! But no, really, the movie is good. Real good. Whether it's promoting terrorism, attacking USA, or defending Islam, it's got a lot of balls and a timely message to get across to the audience. "People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people." "Ideas are bulletproof." It is no wonder that the movie is brought to you by the makers of the Matrix and stars Hugo Weaving as V. The final scenes are like Agent Smith(s) reborn! 

If you ever wanted to know what would happen if you put Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman, and modern special effects tricks together in the same room, this is the movie for you. It's a fun ride and, though over the top, the action is interesting, and takes place from unusual angles. The plot is a tad jumbled, and any creativity in the script often takes a back seat to cheesy one-liners, but who cares, it's an adventure movie damnit. The pacing is fast and entertaining, as is to be expected from the director of The Mummy. My favorite part was the werewolf transformations - the best I've seen in any movie.

Nine times out of ten slow-paced movies turn me off, but M. Night Shyamalan has a way of introducing characters and setting up a haunting atmosphere that sucks you in and makes you feel that you're there, making even the most irrational premise (*cough* hostile, water-fearing aliens invading Earth, of all places *cough*) seem believable. The Village has the same enchanting atmosphere about it, and its characters will stay with you after the movie is over. I can't say much about it without spoiling the mystery, but it follows a different vein than other works by Shyamalan... a vein that I typically find annoying, but can understand his intentions for doing with it what he did. Perhaps it could've made a better essay than a movie, but it is still a wonderful movie.

Whether you like Johnny Cash, dislike Johnny Cash, don't care or don't know about Johnny Cash, it is hard to deny that Joaquin Phoenix and Reece Witherspoon do a phenomenal job of not only acting but also singing in this movie. The story follows Johnny from his traumatic childhood, through the rise of his music career, his destructive drug addiction, and his love affair with fellow singer/entertainer June Carter. I liked how the movie explored the inspirations for his songs and put them into perspective by linking them to meaningful periods of his life.

If you treat it as purely an apocalyptic mass panic movie instead of a sophisticated aliens versus humans movie you can overlook the pathetically anticlimactic ending and come out fully satisfied (I mean really, millions of years of planning and the question of "what's all that blue stuff?" never cropped up?). The special effects are great, the acting and emotions are well done. The only problem is the afore-mentioned plot(-holes). I won't go into detail about that, but will comment on the final scene: 1) why is he still alive? and 2) why is he still dirty??

John and Jeremy are two bachelors who crash weddings and con the love-hungry single women in attendance to get laid. In time they meet their match in Claire and Gloria, who make them question their irresponsible, carefree lifestyle. Though this is a fairly standard formula, the movie finds ways to make itself refreshing, shocking, and interesting. Among the colorful cast of characters, my favorite was probably the girls' eccentric gay brother.

This was kinda boring. I mean, think The Mothman Prophecies, but more boring. EVP is a very plausible and relatively well documented phenomenon, but this movie sensationalized it out of proportion. That is what many supernatural thrillers do, after all - take something perfectly neutral and make it look twisted or evil in blatantly contrived ways to sell cheap scares. I don't even remember half of it. I got an important phone call in the middle of it and couldn't concentrate afterwards. Not a very good review, huh. Oh well. ^_^;

I'm not entirely sure what to say about this movie. If you're looking for a fun comedy-action flick that you'll forget about the moment it's over, this would fit the bill. You enjoy yourself while you're watching it, but once it's over, you don't really care. There's some funny parts, there's some plot twists, there's some relationship problems, there's some hostages, and there's some shootouts. Bruce Willis still makes a great quirky psychopathic killer, gotta love his attitude.

I love the original Wicker Man: an uptight Christian cop comes to an island full of jovial, earthly, sexually free Pagans. The clash of values is self-evident and effectively built upon as the plot escalates. In the remake, the cop is not overtly Christian and the people... well, they are to Paganism what Al Qaeda is to Islam. By destroying this core angle of cultural tension, all you have left is a weak plot about a missing girl. Women run everything on the island while the uneducated male drones do manual labor and aren't even allowed to speak. Sister Summerisle is a far cry from the charming Lord Summerisle of the original. Willow, who had a tendency to go on incoherent tangents, annoyed the crap out of me. The cop does nothing to refute the negative male stereotype as he punches everyone he doesn't like. The ending, though the same as in the original, is now laughable.

Seth Green came on the Daily Show and said, "go see my movie!" and I was like, "you got it, baby!" so here I am. I'm grouping this one with Dude, Where's My Car and Harold and Kumar go to White Castle as a movie about guys who get hopelessly lost and have a whole bunch of completely random stuff happen to them. I'm not complaining, I like that formula. It reads like one long list of things not to do when you go camping in the middle of nowhere. And while that's educational enough, it also teaches you that sometimes you have to have your life turned upside down to realize how much you appreciate what you already have. In other news, Seth Green is really short... I like that in a man!

Two guys stuck under the rubble of the World Trade Center for two hours, talking. I did not enjoy watching the movie. In fact, it had an odd combination of being both emotionally painful and pretty boring. But, in retrospect, it will haunt you for days. Now, I lived in New York City for five years. I loved the two towers. According to a statistic in the movie, about 50,000 people could have been working inside on any given day - that's the population size of a large city in two buildings! I used to stand at the bottom of a tower and stare up for minutes on end, trying to take in the enormity of it all. What it must have been like to see such colossal structures crashing down and the invincible capital of the world be reduced to post-apocalyptic rubble. I wish I could have been there, to see reality as we know it shatter, to have that moment transform me like it did all those present. In the time that humanity showed its capacity for great evil, it also showed its potential for sincere, selfless good - even in a place like NYC.

Everybody took Jean Grey's apparent death pretty hard, but when she turns up alive, the X-men get more than they bargained for! The film revolves around Phoenix, Jean's repressed and highly unstable alter-ego who is too powerful for her own good. Nothing - not people, not cars, not buildings, not water - could withstand the wrath of the Phoenix! Nothing except the ever-regenerating Wolverine and his amazing indestructible pants. I want those pants..... to come off. And not because I want to see Wolverine naked, but out of sheer scientific principle. On top of all this, a "cure" that turns mutants into regular humans has been discovered, which has Magneto & Co. in a fighting frenzy. Though not as good as the first two in terms of plot or action, it makes up for it in shock value. This is the last in the trilogy and all bets are off.

The brothers Danny and Walter (and their sister Lisa, but god only knows what she's doing there) find themselves launched into outer space when the board game Zathura becomes real. They are faced with perilous trials at every turn as their sibling rivalry escalates to cosmic proportions. I really hated Danny, a lot. Sure Walter wasn't all that nice to him but he had every reason not to be. So I guess the moral of the story is that even if your little brother is an incessantly annoying good for nothing brat you should still love them because they're, err, still your brother... or something... I very much liked the twist at the end.

Talk about information overload! Throughout the whole movie you're bombarded by minute details. Some of them make sense, some of them don't, but after the first two hours your brain probably had a meltdown and won't be able to process it anyway. That's right, the movie is 2 hours and 40 minutes long, and it definitely feels that way. It can't seem to decide whether it wants to focus on the cop or on the cartoonist, and has no real climax or resolution because the killer was never caught. What was the point? I'm not entirely sure, but at least Jake Gyllenhaal is nice eye candy.